Enduring Tough Trials – The Unanswered Why

Warning: This post gets extremely personal.
For some, it may be uncomfortable to read.
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At some point in our lives, we all have to endure tough trials. Defining “tough trials” obviously depends on who it is as well as where the person is in their own life. Regardless of this fact, we all have to face them and it is only human nature to wonder why.

Why? It’s one of those questions that can have so many different meanings to it. My kids for instance can ask me why something is the way it is or why they have to go to bed at a certain time. Sometimes, their “whys” are simply out of a growing curiosity about the world that they live in. They are learning new things constantly and with that comes questions for understanding. Sometimes, their “whys” are born out of a nature of complaint. They don’t understand why they have to do something they don’t want to and so their why isn’t really seeking understanding but to rather voice their dissatisfaction.

When we face these trials and we ask why, it seems that the answer we find is often inadequate to us, if we even find an answer at all. So what do we do when we are face with the unanswered why?

During “First Wednesday” at Central, I had a conversation with someone that was completely innocent to them. They didn’t know the history of my life and they didn’t realize what I have been dealing with heavily for the past 11 months and really, for the last 22 years. She couldn’t have know because to be honest, it is not something that I share easily and with very many people. However, this needs to change.

If we are to live a life free from the concerns of this world in order to better follow Christ, we need to be willing to drop our guard and be open and down right honest with those in our lives. Our past is not really our own past but rather it belongs to God. This is not an easy thing for many people to accept and the premise of what I am getting at is even harder for people to act out.

The conversation that I had was about an iPhone application that will show you on a map where registered child predators & sex offenders live. She went on to comment on how shocked at how many there were. She commented that there was one only 6 houses down from one of their friends’ house who is having their first baby soon.

I then hit her with a little added information: that’s only the ones who have been convicted and thus have to legally register. Think about that for a second. How many are there REALLY? I don’t know the stats on this and obviously, who could? Obviously, as a father of 3 wonderful boys, to say that this topic disturbs me would be an understatement. However, there is far more behind it then that.

See, as a child, I was a victim.

For the majority of my life, I was not able to fully recall what exactly happened. This is a defense mechanism of the mind, to block things like this out. Still to this day, my memory of the events is fragmented, just like most of my childhood from that time. I actually remember very little before the age of 8. Let me clarify that this is not simply because of my current age not being able to remember things when I was say 5 years old. Even a the age of 10+, I have never been able to fully recall much of my past before the age of 8. Its like my mind has completely blocked me access to that entire period of my life.

When I think about that, it is almost unbelievable. My oldest son Hayden is turning 7 years old in about 2 weeks. I think about the memories from his life so far and how awesome it is. I think about some of the most special moments that he and I have had in his short life. I can’t imagine him not being able to remember all of his current life up to this point. But that is how it is for me and my own memories.

To think that I don’t remember much of my first 8 years of life! Why?!

Hopefully, there will be some resolution to all of this. See, for the past 22 years, he has been on the run. He fled the country and evaded capture on more than one occasion. To this day, he has not had to deal fully with what he has done. All this time, how many others has he done this to?

Why?

The person who did this to me is still living free. Free from the consequences of his actions and free to do as he pleases… to whomever he can.

Why?!

There is no answer on this earth that makes sense. But I find myself constantly falling back on the following verse:

1 Peter 1:6-7 (NLT)
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Why? So that my faith can be purified and refined because I rely on Christ as my rock during these trials. I can be patient and I can survive this because in the end, this is the only thing that offers a solution to the problem of the unanswered why.

God works all things to His glory. So while God didn’t want this to happen to me, in the end, it has helped define who I am as a man, a husband & a father. The events of my life are being used to God’s glory in so many ways. It has made me a better man because it has forced me to lean on God and without Him as my anchor and I could not deal with this in my life.

So while I may never understand the “why” of these events, I know that my God loves me, cares for me and is using me to accomplish His work on this Earth.

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~ by davekessler on August 9, 2009.